In the last few months, I have thought an awful lot about the definition of success. Sadly, the internal discussion has resulted in an increase of stress in my external life. I am writing today's post to clear up my own thoughts on success and perhaps gauge yours as well.
It seems to me that some people believe success is based on one's net worth. "Oh, sure, of course he's successful--have you seen his house? And he drives a Bentley!" Externally, a person who fits this quick description would appear to be successful, correct? Perhaps he (or she) also believes himself to be successful...until he considers the rest of his life and how he would trade at least some of the "benjamins in his bank account" (that could be a rap song) to find a lasting relationship.
Actually, I could list other various definitions of success but have decided to stick with the financial one for now. I was thinking last week about a colleague's ideas on success. She is interested in working with people who meet her financial measuring stick (in this case, the clients must make at least a million dollars). Perhaps I'm simply jealous that I can't be a client (kidding!) but this irks me for some reason. I spent a few days in the last month trying to pinpoint my issues with this particular person's business plan and it hit me one night: she views success in such a one-dimensional way and the fact is, that so many hard-working individuals who are successful in their own right would not even be considered for my colleague’s consulting firm. Now, I understand from an entrepreneurial perspective that a business person has a right to choose his or her own niche, but I do believe the defining success solely on a person’s bank account just seems downright harsh.
The truth is, success is relative—relative to each person’s unique situation, characteristics, experiences and goals. My definition of success will not be the same as yours, or the guy in the car next to you or the woman sitting at the table next to you at dinner on Saturday night. However, that’s what makes each of us exceptional —my goals are unique to me and my life but as long as I strive to accomplish those goals, I am successful. That’s correct: “so long as I strive”, as opposed to “so long as I reach” those goals is exactly what I meant to type. Perhaps this is only my opinion (again, a belief relative to my own perspective), but success is not necessarily about actually BEING successful at any one thing; rather, it’s about actually going for what moves you to action.
Another colleague (different from the one discussed above) asked me the other day when I would deem myself a successful coach. As I am usually ready with an answer at a moment’s notice, I was shocked to open my mouth and no words came tumbling out. I thought for a moment or two, half wondering if I should give an answer ticking off a number of clients and book deals that would make me feel successful. Though I knew this would likely be the typical answer, I instead chose to answer her with what I really felt to be MY truth.
“My success will be based on the triumphs of my clients,” I replied. “As my clients accomplish what he or she set out to do, and hopefully many times over for each one, I will feel a little more successful as a coach. It’s not about the money, it’s not about the number of clients or book deals…it’s about advocating for my clients’ successes, whatever those goals may be.”
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No, I do not have a nice Riesling to go with that cheese! I do, however, have a few questions for you: how do you define success? What does it look like for you? How do you think that picture will change over the next few years? Is it possible to define it your personal way and have a different answer ready for society?
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